Zawsze zastanawiało mnie, czym jest melancholia, jako że sam czasami padam jej ofiarą. Nie chcę tu używać modnego słowa „depresja”, chociaż ono zawiera w sobie cenne znaczenie „bycia poniżej”, w głębokim dole, w jakichś Żuławach Wiślanych, czy Obniżeniu Elbląskim życia. Pozostańmy przy melancholii, bo nie wiąże się z nią ani zapach oddziału Szpitala Psychiatrycznego, ani też dym z papierosa terapeuty. Przy melancholii nie ma mowy nawet o kolorowych tabletkach, leżących co rano przy kubku z herbatą.
Melancholia to drogi zasypane przez śnieżną burzę w środku lata. Melancholia to miotanie się w kółko wokół tych samych słów, które niczym natrętne muchy zataczają kręgi nad głową. To są też białe noce i zmęczenie po przebudzeniu, jakby człowiek biegał wiele godzin i łapał neutrina w podwinięte rękawy. To złowieszczy, dudniący rytm, wybijany gdzieś w oddali, rytm odmierzający kolejne sekundy i minuty.
Nie da się inaczej pochwycić sensu tego stanu, jak tylko spoczywając w samym jego wnętrzu, w zapieczętowanym wagonie stojącym na kolejowej bocznicy.
P. Kofta, Melancholia, [w:] Piękne wieczory, Warszawa 2004
"Jestem niczym..."
OdpowiedzUsuń"Niczym co?"
Ha! Skopiowano z PDF-a, stąd ten myślnik musiałam przeoczyć. Połamany tekst.
UsuńRegarding depression. It is an evil thing to do to make people feel good by misdiagnosing them with a disease that implies that they're feeling really, really bad, and as a result, that their ordinary mood, usually not that bad after all, is not ordinary but instead an act of resilience against a terrible illness, which purported resilience one should then feel proud of. It is like nationalists telling people that that their country is 'basically at war already' even though it isn't so for them to feel better and more sombre about their militaristic displays of chauvinism (in reality being hardly more than juvenile social occasions), now purportedly warranted.
OdpowiedzUsuńThanks for your comment. I don't understand the second part of it (the war thing), but it's still nice to receive. I'm only curious why isn't it in Polish, concerning the fact that (almost) my whole blog is written in this language (and so is the post above). Have a nice day.
UsuńDiagnosing a person with depression so that they may begin to find their daily chores a struggle which they nonetheless manage to overcome ('you made it despite your condition!') is like diagnosing a country with a grave international position, so for its citizens to then be able to take pride in their leaders' purported ability to navigate such perilous situation diplomatically without causing a disaster ('they are so competent!'). It is trying to provide a sense of accomplishment not through leading to actual accomplishment, but through messing with the definition of it. It is sacrificing the definition (of depression, of peril) for the comfort of the individual whom to include in it.
Usuń>I'm only curious why isn't it in Polish
I'm sorry.
In other words, progress is made by making definitions of virtues (or afflictions) *more* exclusive for the individual, so that they have to accomplish (or endure) ever more so as to earn them. Cf. intelligence or courage or beauty. Otherwise we're sacrificing the common good and harming *everyone*, because they won't even be trying (because the labels are being given anyway). Words, labels, are the society's carrots and sticks. We shouldn't dispense them too easily.
UsuńNow I guess I get it. Still, for me, the bigger problem is labeling people without taking any further steps to make them function better, for example with dyslexia. I was working for a short time in secondary school, as a Polish teacher (internship) and I've heard so many times "I have dyslexia, I don't have to do this exercise". Okay, you have dyslexia, but you can still try to improve, right?
UsuńAbout depression... you know, sometimes it's really a struggle to get out of bed, go for classes, go to work or ever dress yourself up. I'm against the labelling, but I'm not against seeking help and getting it. For a person who used to feel so low to the point of total numbness, it's very often really a thing when he or she finally manages to get out of bed and go through a day without this constant struggle. At least I would be really fucking happy if I would acomplish something like this.
Misdiagnosing - shitty thing. That's one of the reasons why I didn't really go to any kind of mental health practitioner yet. The main reason is still that I am just a coward. I'm aware of that.
BTW does your comment anyhow relate to the link I've put on Facebook yesterday?
>dressing up
UsuńWait, people do that? I thought one just sleeps in the same clothes night after day after night until they tear at the seams.
Well, sleep disturbances/exhaustion seem to be some of the more unambiguous signs of lowered mood.
It is just that, medical labels being a relatively conspicuous subject, I was finally prompted to point out this phenomenon of 'verbal appropriation' I think I've been seeing here and there. The game of tug-of-word. E.g. 'art' or 'music'. If you call everything art, soon gifted people (and people who like their work) will be deprived of a term of praise, because the term will come to mean as little as a doodle, and 'artist' will become just a synonym of 'artisan', meaning a mere maker. With music, I've even come up with 'sonic arrangement' to refer to shi-- I mean, subpar pieces, so to avoid marring the label 'music' with some denotations. This way, subpar 'art' could be called 'visual production'.
>I am just a coward.
I'd much reserve this term for things such as calling lying a metaphor ('You are fucking mentally ill.'; later: 'You called me mentally ill.' 'No I didn't, it was a figure of speech!'). Fear doesn't make a coward; manipulating so to cover up one's evil does.
>does your comment anyhow relate to the link I've put on Facebook yesterday?
Yes. But I'm not a stalker under any definition of the word, I promise.
Incidentally, this means that 'pushing the boundaries of art/music' must only happen within a certain margin of amount of content. An empty canvas is not a meaningful manipulation of the definition, and neither are field recordings for music. But, say, cubism or non-heptatonic/non-pentatonic/whatever musical scales, are. This is a very real distinction; it's easy to spot such excuses for creativity. 'Less is more' is a disastrous principle. More is more.
UsuńNever mind. Thanks and have a nice December.